Specimen!!!

Santa came home from work to find his lovely bride, Jeeto, sitting in the living room still in her bath robe.

"Jeeto darling" he says "what's the matter, you are still in your robe."

"Ah Dear," says Jeeto, "I was not feeling well. I didn't know what to do so I called Doctor Khurana. 'I'll need a specimen', he says and hung up. I don't know what a specimen is."

"Oh! I don't know either. Why don't you go up stairs to Mrs Banta and ask her, may be she'll be able to tell you."
Off goes Jeeto bounding up the stairs.
Soon Santa hears a horrible thump, bang and a loud crash. Opening his door, he sees Jeeto piled up at the bottom of the landing.
"Jeeto, what happened?"
"I told Preeto what the doctor said and she told me to just piss in a bottle. So I told her to shit in her purse . . . and the fight was on.

Best Goat !!

One day Santa was talking with a salesman about his goats. As they were talking the salesman noticed that one of the goats had a wooden leg. "What`s the deal with the goat with the wooden leg?" asked the salesman.

"Oh! That`s the best goat I`ve got, best goat I`ve ever had, could just be the best goat in the whole world!" said the farmer. "Six months ago, in the middle of the night our house caught fire. That goat crawled under the fence, ran to the house, beat on our bedroom window with his horns, woke us up and saved the lives of my whole family and me! That`s the best goat I`ve got, best goat I`ve ever had, could just be the best goat in the whole world!" "Okay, okay!" said the salesman. "But what`s the deal with the wooden leg?"

"Well, heck" said Santa, "A good goat like that, you can`t eat him all at once!"

Efficiency Expert!

Efficiency expert, Banta, concluded his lecture with a note of caution. "You need to be careful about trying these techniques at home. "

"Why?" asked somebody from the audience.

"I watched my wife`s routine at breakfast for years," Banta explained. "She made lots of trips between the refrigerator, stove, table and cabinets, often carrying a single item at a time. One day I told her, `Why don`t you try carrying several things at once?`"

"Did it save time?" the guy in the audience asked.

"Actually, yes," replied Banta, "It used to take her 20 minutes to make breakfast. Now I do it in seven."

Santa Got mail !

A man was in his front yard mowing grass when his neighbor, our Santa, came out of the house and went straight to the mailbox. He opened it, looked inside, slammed it shut, and stormed back into his house.

A little later Santa came out of his house again,looking nervous, went to the mailbox, again opened it, and slammed it shut again. Angrily, back into the house he went.

As the man was getting ready to edge the lawn, here Santa came again, looking very heated up. He marched to the mailbox, opened it and then slammed it closed harder than ever.

Puzzled by his actions, the man asked him, "Is something wrong Santa ji?"

To which Santa replied, "There certainly is! My stupid computer keeps telling me I have mail !!"

Umbalo-Gong

Santa and Banta fly to the south sea islands to study the natives. They go to two adjacent islands and set to work. A few months later Santa takes a boat over to the other island to see how Banta is doing. When he gets there, he finds Banta standing among a group of natives.

"Greetings! How is it going?" says Santa.

"Wonderful!" says Banta, "I have discovered an important fact about the local language! Watch!"

He points at a palm tree and says, "What is that?"

The natives, in unison, say, "Umbalo-gong!"

He then points at a rock and says, "And that?"

The natives again intone, "Umbalo-gong!"

"You see!", says the beaming Banta, "They use the SAME word for 'rock' and for 'palm tree'!"

"That is truly amazing!" says the astonished Santa, "On the other island, the same word means 'index finger'!"

Santa in ICU

A man was brought in to the hospital intensive care ward, put in a bed, tubes coming out everywhere. A week later, another man was admitted, in a similar condition.

Both lay there, machines pinging, tubes poking etc. a couple more weeks before one of them had the strength to raise his hand and point to himself and say, "Bengali."

The other patient signaled he had heard, raised his own hand, and said, "Punjabi."

This act tired them out so badly it was a week before the first summoned up the strength to say, "Calcutta."

Other replied in a weedy frail voice, "Ludhiana."

Once more, the strain was too much for them both and they passed out. Days passed before the first patient managed to again point to himself and say, "Asit."

Replied the other, "Santa."

A few hours later, Asit managed to point to himself again and rasp out weakly, "Cancer."

Santa responded, "Sagittarius."

A round of drinks

Banta was not home at his usual hour, and his wife, Preeto, was fuming, as the clock ticked later and later. Finally, about 3:00 AM she heard a noise at the front door, and as she stood at the top of the stairs, there was Banta, drunk as a skunk, trying to navigate the stairs.

"Do you realize what time it is?" she asked.

He answered, "Don't get excited. I'm late because I bought something for the house."

Immediately her attitude changed, and as she ran down the stairs to meet him halfway, she asked, "What did you buy for the house, dear?"

Banta's answer was, "A round of drinks!"